The MAFIA Are 7

[bux]

Yes, that is right. Luke Beattie has gone to pursue his own career as a gamekeeper. Why, no-one knows. The fact that he woke up one morning and suddenly thought, "I know! I'll be a gamekeeper!" eludes the rest of The MAFIA to this day. Maybe there is no real answer.

So Luke has left for a far-away place they call "Penrith." Here he will reside with fellow would-be gamekeepers in relative squalour, dining in the evening on the food that he learns to catch and prepare during the day. The MAFIA honestly find it hard to picture a lecturer teaching a room full of students how to successfully skin a pigeon.

But The MAFIA are not ones to judge, no more than the next man. So it came to pass that the MAFIA, for possibly the last time as a full group, went out to the Aagrah in Garforth. It should be noted that Former TGS science teacher and fellow Scholes resident, Phil Thacker, was also visiting said venue.

Eight important-looking guys, each in their own individual suit and waistcoat, topped off by dark shades, step into the Aagrah. It looks as suave as Ryan Phillipe in Cruel Intentions, it must do.

So it comes round to the drinks, and what does everyone order? First up is Adam. He gets a Carlsberg, as does Andy, BUX, and Vince, one of the shocks of the night here. So what does Jordan do? Worried he will be the only one not drinking, he nervously says, "Oh, I'll have nothing, thanks." It then goes on to Kane, who orders a PINEAPPLE JUICE! He camly brushes aside insults with the common "I've got a match tomorrow" excuse. This also occurs to Paul, one mintue behind as usual, who decides for a soft drink. Beats, being the supposed Yorkshireman he claims to be, opts for a pint of Tetley's Bitter. I can tell you something now Beats, it doesn't make you any more of a man.

Finally at a table, suitably the large circular table in the middle of the restaurant, where the entire room can see us. Ryan Phillipe just pales into insignificance at this point, as Jake Harrison will no doubt confirm.

So the evening progress fairly uneventful, with numerous attempts made at a 1 minute's silence. This was made impossible by the fact that Kane could not stop laughing the first time, was eating and drinking the second time, and for the third time Beats was for some reason squeezing Adam's knee. Pictures are taken, on what must be the SHITTEST CAMERA IN THE WORLD. Of course, Beats forgets to leave the film in Scholes for developing and takes it with him to Penrith. Stupid bastard.

The MAFIA inform the Aagrah that it is Beats's brithday, he was one of about six people in the restaurant who clearly faked this, as Jake Harrison will also confirm. Beats receives a picture and a card, both of which he leaves at Adams later on. What a guy.

Vince also asks one of the waiters if he will hand a carnation to Adam at the end of the evening, one of the most funniest things I have EVER seen happen. Adam buys Andy a pint for his birthday, and Beats a Jack Daniels for no apparent reason.

The bill finally arrives, and it goes straight to Beats. Mistake of the century #1. Quickly the bill is taken from his hands and given to someone with an idea of what they are doing when it comes to money. £140 has been spent that evening, The Aagrah will appreciate this and will maybe have us back again. Or possibly not, considering the tip given overall was about 1.5%. Some may say a bit stingy, The MAFIA personally blame Beats for managing to bugger the whole thing up somewhere down the line.

So the MAFIA step outside for the ceremonial cigar, and it's home once again. Now The MAFIA are 7, it is a mixed blessing. We will just have to see how life goes, Beats will hopefully be back soon, if only for a little while. If he thinks that The MAFIA plan to pay him a visit, however, he is sadly mistaken. The MAFIA have no such plans.


LIFE GOES ON, FOR EVERYONE AND EVERYTHING, NO MATTER WHAT. THERE IS NOTHING THAT ANYONE CAN DO TO STOP THIS. AND SO THE MAFIA LIVE ON, THOUGH ONE INDIVIDUAL HAS LEFT, THE SUM OF ITS PARTS IS STILL THE SAME. IT ALWAYS HAS BEEN, IT ALWAYS WILL BE.
SOME THINGS NEVER CHANGE.